Key lime pie

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Over a discussion of the words we dislike the most at work – this of course included moist – YUCK, a colleague said she had a made a key lime pie. I then wanted one! Like right away. So I went home like a good house wife and made one.

Apparently key lime pie needs more than two limes – who knew. I must be ill I’ve lost my mind. I actually feel rubbish, so rubbish I want to cry at my desk. I did it yesterday in front of my colleagues while on the phone to my mum. Not really. Well maybe a little bit on the inside. I’m such a wimp when it comes to being ill. Being ill and anything to do with blood. I’ll hit the deck. Not so tough now.

Being ill always happens before exciting plans. Like tomorrow I’m off to Bath with friends for a pre stag/hen party. LADS, LADS, LADS! I and three other friends (all girls) are my friend Ryan’s best man (women) for his wedding in September. Can you F’ing believe it. Can’t wait. We have a hot tub – pure shenanigans. I’m cooking for them all weekend and little do they know they’ll be eating paleo – I’ll tell them after.

I need a camera. My photos suck. Perhaps I should get instagram and give all my pics a lovely tinge of brown. My food ‘Lacks finesse’ as quoted by my housemate. It always taste so damn good but lacks finesse. I actually lack finesse in general. I should make more effort. From now on I will no longer top knot my hair, I’ll straighten it (I won’t it’s to long). I only make an effort at the weekends when it counts – Peacocking (NO.6). I will learn how to give my food more finesse and I will also teach my housemate some frigin manners ha.

So apologies for the crap pic – MUST TRY BETTER…

Key lime pie

Crust

  • 150g cashew butter
  • 2 tablespoons of organic dark coco powder
  • 2 tablespoons of agave
  • 1.5 cups of coconut
  • 6 dates
  • 1/4 cup of almonds
  • 1/2 cup of coconut milk
  • 1 teaspoon of cinnamon

Filling

  • Juice of five limes
  • 3/4 can of chilled coconut milk – shake well
  • 4 egg whites
  • 1 tablespoon of agave

This makes a fairly large pie. It needs to be chilled for a few hours to set. I’m eating it as I type. Normally I cook, eat and forget to take a picture.

1. Preheat the oven to 180′

2. Add all the ingredients for the crust into a food processor and blend. Not too much. I like some crunch.

3. Pour into a pyrex (is this right?) a glass oven proof dish and bake for 15 mins

4. Let the crust cool down for god sake.

5. Whip the egg whites to soft peaks. Don’t be an idiot like me and try and whip them by hand. It takes ages…

6. In another bowl whip the coconut milk

7. Figure of 8 the whites in the coconut milk and add the lime juice and agave

8. When the crust is cool throw the topping on top funnily enough and chill – takes a few hours

Broccoli, berry, almond and whole other heap of stuff salad

Alrite! long time no speak. Sorry for neglecting you, weeks have passed without me realising.

It’s my little sisters birthday today so a massive shout out to Fleur *AIRHORN* love this girl, she’s amazing. I’ve never know someone so young to be so headstrong… I have no clue where that comes from :). She’s going to be 17 today. I’m cooking her dinner. She’ll probably kill me, but I’m still going to upload a pic of her.

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Last week I took a trip to whole foods. I was in Kensington so it would have been rude not to. I was proper excited, I’m easily excited over food and health food shops in the UK are fairly rare. And I hated it. That place is full of twats. And it’s expensive without any reason. Guess what whole foods… your salads SUCK ARSE. So I’ll show you what a real salad looks like in a bit. Really £9 for some spinach and seeds is a massive joke.

Apart from the whole foods fiasco I’m still in an amazing mood. It’s the sunshine I promise. My work colleagues think it’s for other reasons. It’s not. Oh, I bought a road bike at the weekend. Can’t wait for it to arrive. I’m getting my train on ready for my charity bike ride from Vietnam to Cambodia in November.

For those of you who don’t know me I’m cycling for an amazing charity Teens Unite. You can sponsor me here. Apart from Crossfit and circuit training I rarely do an other exercise. I hate running. Running sucks. And although I quite enjoy spinning I have been since November. Cycling is going to hurt. Seriously what’s the point in running more than 100m? It’s not functional. I might have to run to catch the bus or the tube, other than that, no point.

I have my iPod on shuffle atm. It’s seriously awful. I have dreadful taste in music. Sorry. I’m not really, I’m listening to Rick Astley… shame.

Broccoli, berry, almond and whole other heap of stuff salad – I’ll add a pic shortly

This makes at least four large servings

Dressing

  • 2.5 tablespoons of homemade mayonnaise
  • 1 tablespoon of hot sauce
  • 1 teaspoon of chilli flakes
  • 1 tablespoon of cider vinegar
  • Pinch of salt

Salad

  • Handful of almonds
  • Half punnet of blueberries
  • Half bag of spinach
  • 1 large broccoli
  • 1/3 chorizo ring sliced
  • 1 small sweet potato diced
  • 1 chopped red onion
  • Drizzle of coconut oil

Preheat the oven to 180′

1. Add the coconut oil, chorizo, sweet potato and onion to the oven for 30 mins

2. Add all the contents for the dressing in a bowl and stir

3. Put the broccoli florets on the boil for a few minutes. Keep these bad boys crunchy. Cool down with cold water

4. Add spinach, broccoli, blueberries and almonds to the dressing

5. Once the sweet potato is cooked leave to chill. Then this goes in with everything else

6. Stir and eat. Up yours whole foods.

Paleo pie – walnut crusted pesto chicken pie with a twice baked butternut squash topping

Sorry I haven’t posted in the last few days the weather has been so nice I’ve completely lost my train of thought. My weekend consisted of running, coffee, running, training, running, eating, coffee, sleep, training, coffee. In that order with some sunbathing thrown in.

I made Juli Bauer’s sweet arse banana bread as well. I threw some blueberries on top because I could.

So,  something that disturbed me at the weekend… couples wearing his and hers matching clothing WTF.  THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. It’s wrong on all levels. Next time I see a culprit I’ll take a pic. I hope that’s not illegal. Please don’t shop me to the cops.

This week I brought a whole new load of training gear. I literally look like Reebok threw up on me. I still need to buy my Oly lifters I’m just stuck on what colour to have. Decisions.

My Brother and his girlfriend Charlotte came over for dinner yesterday and I cooked them this pie. Joe forgot to mention that Charlotte doesn’t like nuts or pesto, so this was the perfect choice!! bloody boys. She also doesn’t like fruit. Guess what I made for pudding. Yep, you’ve guessed it strawberry and raspberry crumble (I’ll post this recipe later this week). She was to polite to say she didn’t like it or I gave her too much beer to care.

Has anyone else been doing the 30 day squat challenge? I’m on day 4 and quite enjoying it. I’m now at 70 reps. I’ve been front squating at 50kgs which I’ll have to drop the weight soon. I’m hoping for a pert butt for summer.

Walnut crusted pesto chicken pie with a twice baked butternut squash topping #whatafuckingmouthful

Makes 2 x 15cm diameter pies – 8 servings

Time: I have no idea. I was drinking beer while making this and talking to my brother about his trip to Amsterdam – that boy is unreal.

Crust:

2 1/2 cups of walnuts
1/4 cup of coconut flour
1 teaspoon of baking powder
pinch of salt
40g grass fed butter

Chicken filling:

4 chicken breasts diced fairly small
200g basil
1 juice of a large lemon
3 massive gulgs of olive oil
4 cloves of garlic
1/2 cup of almonds
1 green chilli – optional. I like the heat

Butternut squash topping:

1 large butternut squash diced
1 teaspoon of dried chilli flakes
3 tablespoons of coconut oil
3 cloves of garlic (keep the skin on)

Lets make a pie…

1. You’ll need to bake the butternut squash for a good 30/40 mins at 180′. Add everything to a baking tray and keep the garlic in their coats. This we’ll keep them sweet.

2. On to the crust. Add everything into a blender. I didn’t blend for too long as I wanted to keep some crunch.

3. Pat down into your two tins evenly. Don’t make the crust too thick as it will taste dry as. Anyone done the cinnamon challenge? No, well if you make your crust too thick it will look like this

4. Bake in the oven for 10 minutes until golden and then leave to cool.

5. For the pesto throw everything into a blender – you might have to add more oil to get a good consistency. Remember to season.

6. Add the chicken, give it a stir and coat it well.

7. Add to the tins and bake for ten mins.

8. Take the butternut squash out of the oven. Get the cloves of garlic and squeeze it out of their jackets into a pot. Add the squash and handblend. Again I don’t mind if it’s slightly lumpy.

9. Put this on top of the pie and bake for a further 10 mins.

10. Shut yah pie hole and eat.

Shut the front door it’s a paleo banoffee pie – gluten and dairy free

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I still don’t have my Reebok oly lifters this might be because I never gave you my address. I won’t be doing this. Ever. This could be the only possible explanation for them not arriving.

I need to share this pic to you. I’ve been talking about me at work and this is how my colleagues see me: (I didn’t draw this, Kelly did and she got it spot on)

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I swear far to much at work. Sometimes I’m honest. Ok, I’m honest all the time. Too honest. I speak my mind which is often inappropriate. I call this being ‘passionate’ others call it argumentative. It’s not my fault I’m always right ha!

Talking of idiots, I hate Spencer from Made in Chelsea what a slimey twat head. I literally wanted to slap the TV. I won’t it’s new and with my guns I might break it. I have man shoulders, it’s an issue I’m not dealing very well with. I have no clothes and I love fashion. Thank god Whistles sizes come up big. What is with American Apparel? I thought I was in the children’s section in Kings Cross, I wasn’t. Do they seriously think an adult can fit into a leotard that’s the size of a 6-12 month baby grow? Nah BRUV. Plus paying £50 for a plain white t-shirt is never going to happen and I spend money on the most ridiculous impulsive things. I have no self control.

Here have a recipe for a pie. It has a million ingredients and takes for ever but hang in there as it’s worth it.

For the base:

  • 9 dates
  • ½ cup almond butter
  • ¼ cup of cashews
  • ¼ cup desiccated coconut
  • 2 tablespoons raw honey or agave
  • 3 tablespoons cocoa powder
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon

Filling

  •  3 large bananas sliced
  • 1 can of coconut milk – reduce by half for 30 minutes
  • 4 tablespoons of agave or 2 of raw honey
  • 50g condensed coconut cream

Cream topping

  • ½ can of coconut milk – chill overnight
  • Handful of pecans. I didn’t have any so I put everything I laid my hands on top. This included dark chocolate (not dairy free), walnuts and blueberries.

1. Start with the filling as this takes for ever. Well 30 minutes. Add all but the bananas to a pan and simmer until it’s reduced by half.

2. Take off the heat and leave to cool.

3. Take your blender and add everything for the base and throw it all in, don’t muck about. Blend until grainy.

4. Take a dish. I have no clue what size. Medium?? and pat the base mixture down. This is going to need to chill for an hour.

5. Once chilled slice the three bananas up and spread evenly. Add the caramel esqe filling and chill for a further few hours until it has kind of set.

6. Whip your coconut cream up – this won’t work unless it’s chilled and add any other toppings.

 

This morning…

I missed two trains this morning, the first was because I was checking Facebook. I then had 40 minutes until the next train, so why did I miss the second train? I was choosing what lipstick to wear obviously. SERIOUSLY SORT YOUR LIFE OUT.

This morning has been great. I walked to the train station listening to R Kelly – Ignition and I’m now sitting at my desk doing grown up things. Like listening to French radio. Granted Skyrock plays Thrift shop over and over again. If it’s not Thrift shop they play Rihanna. Why does she release a million songs at once? Anyway I feel cultured listening to foreign radio. I’m also working on a serious project, OH ER. I can’t concentrate this is probably why I’m procrastinating and writing this blog. I also have double circuit training tonight. I’m in bikini beast mode to get ready for the summer.

My friends at work hate me as I won’t tell them what I’ve been up to. I just tell them to read this instead. I don’t think they think I’m being very sociable. So what, I’ve never been a people pleaser. Jokes. Hi Kelly and Alex!

Anyway back to eating paleo. If anyone wants me attempt making a paleo version of something post below and I’ll spend the weekend giving it a whirl. I’m going to make a treat for the girls later so I’ll post it tomorrow for you all.

Laters

Cx

p.s I’m still waiting for someone to by me a pair of Reebok Oly lifters. Pleaseeeeeeee :)

Thai green curry

I’ve had the longest day which has been riddled with meetings. I’m slowly starting to think my job is getting far to grown up and serious for my personality. Not sure what to do about this. Am thinking to spend next months wages on lottery tickets in order to retire at 27. Shit I’m old!

So this weekend I spent most of it training and finally braved 13.5. I hate chest to bar pull ups! I’m not going to lie i feel pretty lost without the crossfit games open now its over. So my latest fad is going to be trying to get loads of free shit by begging. Me and Harry (my PT) came up with this idea on Sunday over coffee. Basically I’m going to winge until someone buys me these:Image

We also agreed we’d be happy to send photos of ourselves, signed of course in exchanged for stuff. This might sound like we’re pimping ourselves out. What do you take us for we’re not bloody sickos! There are no sexual favors involved we’re just sick of having to buy our own shit. Harry’s car failed it’s MOT too so he’d like a new car. By the way I’m a size 6 and I’d really like my oly lifters to be personalised with JFDI CHARLE (just fucking do it).

I guess I should give you a recipe or something as this is a ‘food blog’. God today has been the worst!

Thai green curry

For the paste:

50g shallots
4 stalks of lemongrass chopped up
2 tablespoons of fish sauce
2 tablespoons of cold water
5 black peppercorns
3 kaffir lime leaves
2 green chillis
4 cloves of garlic
Handful of thai basil leaves
Half juice of a lime

Thai curry

3 chicken breasts diced
50g grass fed butter – I use kerrygold
1 can of coconut milk
1 red pepper cubed
3 thai aubergines diced

3 kaffir lime leaves
2 tablespoons of agave
1/2 juice of a lime

1. Add all the ingredients for the paste into a pot and using a hand blender make a fairly smooth paste.

2. In a wok melt the butter and fry of the paste for a few minutes until fragrant.

3. Add a few tablespoons of the coconut milk and simmer for a few minutes before adding the chicken.

4. Cook the chicken for a few minutes then add the pepper and aubergine and the rest of the coconut milk.

5. Simmer for 5 minutes.

6. Add the crushed kaffir lime leaves, lime juice and agave and simmer until the chicken is cooked through.

7. Season and eat!

Turmeric chicken and satay sauce

I wanted to post this yesterday but wordpress wouldn’t let me.  Apparently I should write my blog in word then copy any paste over so I don’t lose it four times! You would of thought I’d learn the first time it went wrong –  I didn’t and continued to make the same mistake again and again. I’m a pleb. Is that even a word?

Since my car died I’ve had to get the train to work, in fact two trains. It’s a nightmare. I hate First Capital Connect and as it’s snowing I know my train will be cancelled on the way home tonight. If I miss Crossfit or circuit training tonight I’ll be extremely upset. I also nearly got run over today walking from the train station. It was a friggin green man for god sake. A massive lorry jumped a red light and all I could think was if I got hit what underwear do I have on. SHAME. FYI it was decent so I would have been fine.

13.5 of the crossfit games has just been released. I’m going to name it Franmare! Thrusters and chest to bar pull ups. This is really going to show my crossfit weaknesses. I’m hoping for around 45 reps.

I made this chicken on Monday for the girls – my two housemates, it always goes down a treat so I thought I’d share. This one’s for you Kelly! (my pretend veggie friend) since she found out she was pregnant she’s fallen of the wagon. A veggie for 17 years that has succumbed to eating pig and most recently a duck – not a whole one, but still. Just waiting for her to eat chicken.

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Turmeric chicken with satay sauce – makes about 8 skewers
Prep time: 1h 15 mins
Cooking time: 25 mins

Turmeric chicken

3 large chicken breasts diced
3 cloves of garlic
50g shallots finely diced
1 tablespoon of turmeric
1 teaspoon of dried chilli flakes
Pinch of salt
2 tablespoons of fish sauce
I tablespoon of water

Satay sauce

1/2 cup of chopped mixed nuts
1/2 can of coconut milk
1 table spoon of grassfed butter – I use kerrygold or use coconut oil
1 teaspoon of dried chilli flakes
2 tomatoes diced
3 cloves of garlic crushed
50g shallots finely diced
4 tablespoons of kecap manis (not paleo) you can use coconut aminos instead
Pinch of salt

Wooden skewers

1. Add all the contents for the chicken into a bowl and mix.

2. Place in the fridge to marinate for an hour.

3. Skewer the chicken and place in a preheated oven for 15 mins at 180′.

4. For the satay sauce. Gently fry off and brown the shallots and garlic in butter.

5. Add the chilli flakes and tomatoes and cook for a further 2 minutes.

6. Add the coconut milk, nuts and kecap manis and gently simmer for 5/6 minutes.

7. Season and you’re done. Easiest and nicest satay sauce you’ll ever eat. FACT.

Ginger and coconut panna cotta

Yesterday was a bad day. My car epically failed it’s MOT. It’s failed each year since I bought the thing and Mini’s are not cheap. The other thing that pissed me off was that it was sunny. Like the first day of sunshine of the year and I don’t have the Mini to put the roof down. And finally, I broke a nail at the gym. This wouldn’t normally bother me but yesterday it did big time.

I was at the gym for three hours to blow off some steam. I managed to clean and press 70kg and then did double circuits. Today I feel sore, and as my colleague pointed out I look knackered. No really I look a mess and am seriously pushing the boundaries of smart casual. I’m wearing a tee and a denim shirt. (Dressed like a five year old boy.)

Currently I’m holding new starter induction at work and one of the newbies also eats paleo, so naturally we spent a good 30 minutes arguing with the new boys on how a diet of pasta is lazy.

Who’s still trying to recover from the bank holiday? I seriously need a holiday. Four days off wasn’t enough. Over the holidays another one of our friends arranged their wedding – I have 9 this year eek. I’ve created the singles club, we went out for drinks on Monday. Seriously only a few of my friends are now single the rest are all engaged or to be married. Members of the singles club include myself, Helen Macca, Thets and Nuda – tragic. Don’t get me wrong I date all time but people are boring. I rarely get the inclination to see someone again. Being selfish with my time also doesn’t help. So if a cute guy wants to make them self known i’ll be happy. Actually I’ll be more happy if someone wants to pay for my MOT – £1800 please.

Ginger and coconut panna cotta – I forgot to take a photo. See I’m rubbish at blogging

Ginger syrup

1 thumb sized piece of ginger sliced (about 30g)
4 tablespoons of agave
1/2 cup of water

Panna cotta

3 1/2 cups of coconut milk (If your not strict paleo use 1/2 cup of double cream)
1 vanilla pod
1 tablespoon agave
1 sachet of gelatin or agar agar, arrowroot
1/2 cup of cold water

1. In a pan put all the ingredients for the ginger syrup in and gentle simmer for 25 mins until the slices soften.

2. Pulse the ginger to create a smoothish liquid.

3. I then drained this through some muslin to get rid of all the ginger strands. Set this aside.

4. In a bowl place the gelatin and cold water and dissolve, set this aside to set.

5. In a separate saucepan put the coconut milk, cream and agave over a medium heat. Try to bring to a gentle boil.

6. Remove from the heat and add your vanilla and gelatin. I also added the ginger syrup but I guess you could wait till the panna cotta is set and create another layer.

7. These will take about 5 hours to set in the fridge. Amazing!

So when do you eat porridge?

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I eat it for breakfast bro! just without oats. My PT Harry and owner of the best gym in the world Raw Performance inspired this post by his cheeky comment above. I might be a little bias but the people that go to Raw are some of the nicest, hard working people around. Take Naomi who I often train with, she’s a machine, she never gives up and she always shares amazing paleo recipes with me. She also loves Starbucks a big win. Even though I want to start taking crossfit seriously I don’t see myself moving to a box, I wouldn’t go to any other gym.

Boxes are cold and I prefer training with no clothes. Seriously. And I’ve been put off by a stinky beaver of a coach. She was a knob. I’m beating her in the crossfit games so I’m slightly over the fact she thought I was weak – I’m not, I’m bitter.

So this long weekend has been so good. I’ve eaten so much food. More than normal which is stupid amounts. My friends at work are always shocked by the volume of food I consume. I eat about 8 small meals a day. If not, I feel faint, lose concentration (this is already a mission at work as I get bored really easily) I then get grumpy. I’m already super assertive at work and normally pissed off. So me without food is a bad combo. Any way this porridge normally puts me on a good footing.

This recipe serves two, cos life’s for sharing. I’m in a bloody good mood today. Talk to me at 7pm post cocktails at the Hermitage and with work looming over me again it will be a different story.

Berry and banana porridge

Serves two

Takes about 5 mins to make

Ingredients:
2 heaped tablespoons of milled linseed – I buy this from Aldi as it costs £2 compared to £8 from a health food shop. I like the blueberry and sesame seed version.
1 heaped tablespoon of chia seeds
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
Some nuts, I used about 8 almonds and 8 cashews as I had them left over
Half a can of coconut milk
6 strawberries
1 banana

Note: normally I use a handful of frozen berries and make the night before. It expands over night and might even make 3 servings. In the morning I’ll add the banana. Today I made straight away and ate cold, I was even to lazy to heat it up!

1. Add your linseed, chia seeds, cinnamon, nuts and coconut milk into a bowl and mix. Make sure you shake your coconut milk up so you don’t just get the water.

2. Dice your banana and strawberries up into cubes. I put 3/4 in with the mixture and add the rest after heating.

3. Throw in the microwave for about 40 secs or eat cold.

4. Add the rest of the banana and strawberry as a garnish – fancy stuff.

5. Eat!!! better than porridge any day.

Happy Easter!

So, my first blog post, no pressure. I’ll start off by disappointing you, this will regularly happen in my blog and I’m not even sorry. This post won’t include a recipe. I’m also going to let you know that yesterday I didn’t eat paleo – WTF! you traitor.

I went for the most amazing afternoon tea at the Royal Horseguard Hotel, London with the girls. Literally laughed my arse off and ate too much bread. My beautiful friend Maria is five months pregnant and I looked further gone than her. That’ll teach me for eating gluten.

I want to take you back to Christmas when I decided to turn paleo. I needed to get fit as I put on 8 pounds in a week while in Tunisa. This was mainly because I ate my weight in flatbreads and started each morning doing yoga with a beer! I also started doing some crossfit inspired workouts. It turns out that eating paleo has transformed my workouts and I’ve never been fitter. Abs are made in the kitchen right?

Like most that follow paleo I get asked, so what you don’t eat any grains? thats right no pasta, no bread and no chips. And no I don’t miss any of it. I’ve also turned into the biggest lightweight. Those of you that were out for my Birthday in late Feb will confirm I can’t hold my booze. I never want to spend my Sunday on the sofa feeling sick again. I watched Youtube videos for 9 hours it was a terrible sight.

Right now the crossfit games are on and I have enjoyed every second. I literally can’t sleep on Wednesday’s as I know the next WOD is about to be announced. The fact of the matter is, I’ve only ever been to two crossfit classes and one oly lifting class. I can’t do half the movements but I don’t give a shit. I feel focused and next year I want to make regionals. So far I’m placing around 100th in Europe which isn’t to bad considering I can’t lift properly and don’t go to a box. Sevan say’s I’m the only girl she knows that can reverse curl 70kg. I must listen more and learn how to technically lift. However, it’s not in my nature.

Here’s me about to reverse curl 70kg. I will learn, I promise. My next post will feature food, this I also promise. I just ate a whole leg of lamb. It’s Easter so I can do what I want.

P.S I hate Easter, chocolate is rank!

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