Shut the front door it’s a paleo banoffee pie – gluten and dairy free


I still don’t have my Reebok oly lifters this might be because I never gave you my address. I won’t be doing this. Ever. This could be the only possible explanation for them not arriving.

I need to share this pic to you. I’ve been talking about me at work and this is how my colleagues see me: (I didn’t draw this, Kelly did and she got it spot on)


I swear far to much at work. Sometimes I’m honest. Ok, I’m honest all the time. Too honest. I speak my mind which is often inappropriate. I call this being ‘passionate’ others call it argumentative. It’s not my fault I’m always right ha!

Talking of idiots, I hate Spencer from Made in Chelsea what a slimey twat head. I literally wanted to slap the TV. I won’t it’s new and with my guns I might break it. I have man shoulders, it’s an issue I’m not dealing very well with. I have no clothes and I love fashion. Thank god Whistles sizes come up big. What is with American Apparel? I thought I was in the children’s section in Kings Cross, I wasn’t. Do they seriously think an adult can fit into a leotard that’s the size of a 6-12 month baby grow? Nah BRUV. Plus paying £50 for a plain white t-shirt is never going to happen and I spend money on the most ridiculous impulsive things. I have no self control.

Here have a recipe for a pie. It has a million ingredients and takes for ever but hang in there as it’s worth it.

For the base:

  • 9 dates
  • ½ cup almond butter
  • ¼ cup of cashews
  • ¼ cup desiccated coconut
  • 2 tablespoons raw honey or agave
  • 3 tablespoons cocoa powder
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon


  •  3 large bananas sliced
  • 1 can of coconut milk – reduce by half for 30 minutes
  • 4 tablespoons of agave or 2 of raw honey
  • 50g condensed coconut cream

Cream topping

  • ½ can of coconut milk – chill overnight
  • Handful of pecans. I didn’t have any so I put everything I laid my hands on top. This included dark chocolate (not dairy free), walnuts and blueberries.

1. Start with the filling as this takes for ever. Well 30 minutes. Add all but the bananas to a pan and simmer until it’s reduced by half.

2. Take off the heat and leave to cool.

3. Take your blender and add everything for the base and throw it all in, don’t muck about. Blend until grainy.

4. Take a dish. I have no clue what size. Medium?? and pat the base mixture down. This is going to need to chill for an hour.

5. Once chilled slice the three bananas up and spread evenly. Add the caramel esqe filling and chill for a further few hours until it has kind of set.

6. Whip your coconut cream up – this won’t work unless it’s chilled and add any other toppings.



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